Morning Thinking

I was reading my daily scriptures and You Version class. I had a thought running over and over through my mind and came to a profound thought. The following scripture is what was repeating in my brain today:Mark 9:24

New International Version (NIV)

24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed,“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

I was thinking about how I firmly believed in the power of God. Now the next question would be then why do I doubt myself with such intensity. I struggle with not forgiving complete a family member. I know this is wrong for the grace freely given to me makes my unforgiving nature wrong. My faith must grow but I keep doing as Paul talked about, doing the very thing I do not want to do. I also struggle with food addiction. I do not doubt God for He has come to me on every journey I have taken to solve this addiction. The problem in both of these areas show it is myself I doubt.

This today has become a huge leap of my faith. Finally time to go to God with my doubt not trying to do it myself. I do not have the capacity alone to handle these two struggles. I do have a solution available to me. I reach out and touch it then promptly shove back into the human side of my brain. I wave my hand in dismissal at my ability to do what is right for me. I have the tenseness of not living what my faith clearly offers me. My fists are slightly clenched as is my jaw. I take deep breaths to prepare the difficult road in front of me. All of this behavior only reinforcing my doubt in myself. The burning question is, How can God’s child doubt His perfect creation? I am selfish when I stay in my own mire of dissociation between acceptance and faith. My life is to give a picture of grace and at these times it shows my fear of disappointing God.

My body language speaks clearly as I use a purse or jacket to create a shield against the evil lurking below my thoughts. I never want to say out loud my self doubt but share the areas I am successful. Under my shield of clothing to hide my unhappiness with my body. My shield of not accepting my family members struggle with life by dismissing that person’s value. How dare I not forgive any sin. Where is my support for a troubled soul? Where is my compassion? Jesus took on the cross for me and I am wasting energy and time being judge and jury of others.

As I write this piece, I am beginning to see that some of my struggles have kept me from the successful race I desire. I let my failures keep me from joy and peace. Now is the time to make peace once again with who I am and become hour by hour who God created me to be.

Ecclesiastes Asks Questions

1I thought about these things. Then I understood that God has power over everyone, even those who are wise and live right. Anything can happen to any one of us, and so we never know if life will be good or bad. Ecclesiastes 9:1

I am reading daily a Bible Study plan in You Version called, Bible X Study. I have questions to be answered each day. I have a steno book that I first write the questions then answer. Today There was a question that seem to inspire me to really think. What is natural for me when I start thinking is to transfer thoughts into words for all to see.

The question was what does this passage tell me about my ability to understand the world around me? My first thought is all people good or bad will come to the same end. There are those who work hard to excel and those who do not work hard at all. There are those who are very comfortable living at the expense of others without a thought to how their individual effort affects others. Is that fair? The human side of me is to say if I can work hard why can’t all others work hard. Then a very big light comes over my head telling me, “Who made you God for the day?” It is not my responsibility to determine how gifts and material possessions are to be given out. It is my job only to accept humbly and pray for those who do not want to work.

Ecclesiastes is a difficult book to read to hear how Solomon felt about his journey of wisdom. Solomon asks God for this gift but then questioned how fair is it to work hard and end up the same as another man who did not work. The theme of chasing the wind and this not making sense to Solomon could be stated by modern man as well. How many times have I wanted to stand up and shout for someone to try to understand what God had planned for them. Oh dear, there I go again. I am doing God’s job and I know this is not God’s plan for me.

So today as I chase the wind for answers, I must accept that life is not fair! I must ask God for today’s work and not give a thought to tomorrow or yesterday.

Lent for Nancy

Lent for Nancy
I have been reading two devotionals during this Lent Season. One has been an ongoing story of the Bible called, The Story and the other You Version daily reading for this beautiful season of Lent. Both have come together this week to bring me to a place of inspiration. I have found that my past has come forward to my present life. I have found the truths I have known all my life continue to be verified by scripture from these two tools about God for me.
In both the, The Story and You Version devotionals the same scriptures were placed before me. These are the scriptures Christians read during this Holy time of the year. I pray I never take for granted and each time I read a new understanding comes from God for me. The Lord keeps me digging deeper within my soul for clarity for His will for my life.
As I read the following scripture I was transported in my mind to myself at age 12 kneeling in front of an open window on a hot August night. I was praying for God to come to me that night. I felt the presence of Jesus that very moment. The scripture was Matthew 17: 20-21 Jesus replied:
It is because you don’t have enough faith! But I can promise you this. If you had faith no larger than a mustard seed, you could tell this mountain to move from here to there. And it would. Everything would be possible for you.
I wanted with all my 12 year old strength to have this mustard seed faith. I fully believed that if I asked a mountain to move it would do so. In my current day I couldn’t see any mountains looking out my window. I chose to look at the house across the street on that moonlit night. I prayed Lord I believe that you can pick up this house and move it with all my heart.
The house didn’t move that night but my faith was growing. I was going to have knowledge that would come to me 56 years later. It could move if I let God determine when and how. As in one of my devotionals, it said one spoonful at a time. How was I to learn of the greatness of Jesus Christ in my room that night? I learned that when I believed in Jesus coming to me, He would be standing next to me. I could feel His beloved hand on my head as I bowed down in front of the window. I opened my eyes to see something that is still clear to me all the years later. The moon brightness through the screen on my window formed a perfect cross. I saw the symbol of Jesus sacrifice as my tear filled eyes were opened. Jesus was saying to me I firmly believe, I love you child and this house doesn’t have to move but your faith will grow each day because of your obedience.
The next scripture that sent my spiritual mind thinking was: Matthew 18:2-3
He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven.
I experienced this at age 12 and knew the true love Jesus had for me by accepting with full faith the knowledge that was given me on that August night. The heat was unbearable and yet, I felt more comfortable than I had ever felt in my life. My faith was indeed growing like the tiny mustard see.
My life would continue with a journey of searching for God’s purpose for my life. I would have glorious events happen to reinforce the love God Almighty has for me. I would come to know that the great I Am was not just for me alone but all the children of the earth. Now was my quest to take me to a journey of how do I fit into this great miracle.
I know that God is being revealed today as much as in ancient times. I also know that when the elders of the Jewish faith along with the Pharisees were intent on rejection of this story; today the same thing is happening. My prayer is that every Christian called to explore and share the Gospel never fails to do so. Miracles of healing can happen to this very day. Old sins of each of our past no longer hold us in bondage. Jesus Christ rose from the grave just like He promised. God sent His only son for each of us. Remove the scales from my eyes to fully see that the great I Am was God on earth in a human body for the world to see. God wants His children to be redeemed. The lamb was Jesus and I was the sin that Jesus’s crucifixion was ordained to be given by God. I was sin and now I am washed as white as snow. Praise God Almighty for every part of my daily life that revisits another time of Lent.

What if I had control of my life.

I have a habit of starting most of my mornings with several rituals that guide me for the day. One is when I wake before ever getting out of bed I send a praise to God for the day I am about to experience. Next I go into my office to pull up online devotionals I read each day. I try to let each of these quiet moments set my mind for productive learning.

I often share with friends at Celebrate Recovery how wanting to be “In charge of the universe” and all in it is something I have struggled with all my life. Praise God I have released that compulsion but still dabble in my past obsession. Some where in my psyche as a young child I really believed it was a job given to me by God. Now if that isn’t arrogant thinking but I adopted that role easily. When I tried to “control” all circumstances I often hit failure. I may have been a good person to place as a committee chair person but I had to learn humility is far better than an arrogant tyrannical behavior. I can remember really not recognizing that character defect. I was being a good little soldier ready for duty at a drop of the proverbial hat.

This morning I decided to have a fantasy day letting all my inhibitions dissolve and live in a world according to Nancy just for today. What if I could control some of the issues in my life? The first issue that popped into my head was go back to training from the past to use hypnosis to control over eating struggles. Not only does it work but it is a wonderful relaxation exercise when using long ago learned skills. I would learn to be perfectly happy with healthy food choices. I would crave exercise like I do my current sedentary lifestyle. I would continue to be happy with continued eliminating sugar from my cravings. I would discern clearly how health in my 6th almost 7th decade would be better than anytime in my life. I would be willing to share with others who struggle with this addiction to let it go. My message is learn when you are young and embrace an entire new way to see yourself. All things are possible with God. Now I fantasize that all this has been fully accomplished and no longer needs to take so much of my energy so I can go to the next freedom place.

If I could impact understanding between political parties I would love this. I want forgiveness and compromise to be the new center of every argument. Remember this is fantasy time but imagine the energy being used in all government branches to make sure the other folks don’t get their desires. Now common sense would be the real driver of understanding our nations problems. This nation should be praying for every leader to ask God first before making final decisions when voting on new laws. We will come together to help one another but not enable one another. What if I had the task for one day to draw the imaginary line between help and enabler. This is complex but I am desiring living in the fantasy I could start something that could change our current frustrations.

While I am working on important jobs for this retired lady, I know the next area would make all people who clean houses very happy. First I would outlaw all dust particles floating in the air and landing on every single surface of our homes, cars, and outdoor furniture. All would be pristine clean and never need scrubbing, dusting, or power washing. Dishes would load themselves into the dishwasher and then neatly place each item back into the cabinets without need of this lady’s hand. Dirt would never collect on my kitchen oven and stove top. Those grease marks would instead be shiny and bright forever. Every bathroom would clean itself. All laundry would be blinked into washer, dryer, then placed back in each appointed place. You get the picture; I have decided so much of the space in my head would be replaced with positive activity rather than cleaning. All the more time to just sit back and meditate to give back to my community, state, and nation. Happy Nancy would never have to say I am too stressed to help. I would learn being quiet gives physical and emotional strength. For those who know me well; my being quiet is not what comes to mind when thinking about my personality.

My goal will be let go of all stress to give unbelievable energy back to our world.

Hank Wyatt

                                      Hank’s Celebration

Prayer for my brother Hank Wyatt                             Jan 15, 2012

Almighty and everlasting God, we came to you today with great joy to celebrate one of your finest works of art, Hank Wyatt.

Please grant mercy as we grieve for our faithful brother, husband, father, grandfather, and friend. There is no doubt that you placed Hank in each of our lives for great purpose and with the exact time we would need him. We are selfish for we wanted him longer but celebrate each person’s specific years, months, weeks, and days allowed by your divine plan.

We humbly thank you for letting his life teach compassion and love. There was a time Satan tried to torment him. He tried for years to destroy this work of art. Another plan was at work in Hank’s life.  Something happened along the journey; Jesus came to Hank with a great mission. Satan was in complete defeat as Hank became a true disciple. He embraced every word of scripture. He found prayer a daily part of his life. He began to walk in his faith with such amazing energy that all saw the power of God. Hank’s gift with the youngest among us to the oldest changed lives. His eyes lit up when he saw the youngest child come into his world. Those children knew God lived in this very large man.

This gentle giant changed lives forever. You changed him from the inside out. Darkness became pure as new fallen snow glistening under the sun’s brightest light. The mission given to Hank was completed to the maximum degree. Our God showed to us in the person of Hank what the word omnipotence means. God you knew at Hank’s creation the destiny that would be his. Hank showed us how sin is forgiven, love is our mission and life is eternal because of the blood of Jesus Christ. Go with each of us this day Lord; give us strength for the next days and months learning to live without our brother but knowing he now lives with you in Heaven. I believe he sits on the front row of the “God question class” and has embraced all the answers he craved on earth.


All these things I pray in the name of Jesus Christ

Family Gathering

I have just had the most incredible weekend of my life. I began November with a road trip to Atlanta, Georgia. I was walking into a movie of my life with past, present, and future playing out before me. There I met 22 others to celebrate one of us who turned 70. Wow, how did our generation become the oldest living? We all have one aunt Mary Beth who still is with us but unable to come to the function. Her spirit was there along with all her generation who already made their eternity trip to be with God. This beautiful woman has been an example of Christian daughter, sister, mother to the family. Thank God we have one among us that holds such value to each of us. I like being present among past memories of our childhoods that morphed into two additional generations; some who are just beginning their beautiful journey.

The oldest among us was turning 75 within a few days. The youngest present was 2 years old. What I experienced was love that had no match. We embraced all the spouses as if they were part of us. This family is phenomenal with its ability to accept all just the way they are. The joy of seeing the fifth generation that I had not met caused great leaping of my heart and soul.  All present were there with a shared relative. The relative we all were connected to was Thomas Howard Wiggins. Imagine this man was also a little boy who lived to see his grandchildren. He had to say goodbye to two wives but thank God he was there for each of us. I for one always wanted to please him all my life till his departure into Heaven. This movie I am living and acting in showed me before my eyes that great importance comes from who went before us.

I wonder what all our parents were thinking from the front porch of Heaven. Was Granddaddy Wiggins beaming at how his family had grown? How many of us could take away from this weekend a solid knowledge that before us were those who made a path for each of us to walk, grow, to become the souls we were created to be. God chose each of us to be members of this family. Each one of us have brought individual talents and gifts to those who followed us. I see the beginnings of the youngest forming their path to be who they each will become. I pray for time to see their children come into the family with a rich heritage. This movie keeps rolling with me clicking away with my camera so I could document what I was experiencing. I felt as if I was standing off to the side absorbing all this family blood line of love and passion. Was I really present at this event that was changing this 68 year old woman? I was living as the little girl to the great grandmother I have become. This particular movie has so many back stories of each person present. I made the decision that the director and producer of this event was God Almighty.

The entire weekend was a surprise birthday celebration for the guest of honor, my cousin Kay. She has given unconditional love and inspiration her entire life. She was there to teach me and now this beautiful grandmother teaches her grandchildren this ability to give freely, love freely, and live freely. As the reels of the movie are rolling I am witnessing the blessing of Kathleen Seebode’s oldest daughter. I see my mother, Mae Wiggins Pashby; celebrating from that porch in Heaven sweet “Katy Lady.”  In my movie the cameraman is moving between Heaven and earth. Unspeakable joy and celebration takes place between our ancestors who have gone before us. Imagine those from five generations before those I did know in my life.

The pictures in my head of this weekend are stronger than the 169 pictures I took of each one of us. I will look back with great anticipation of another gathering that must take place. This will be a sequel of the movie I lived and experienced.  Hopefully those unable to come can be at the next gathering. We will have a fresh newness like new babies entering the world. What was our history is now our shared gift to the younger ones. I know each child saw what true love within a family means. Those who have married into the family also know, this is one unusual family that shares values and history. Life goes on in the future because of each one of us has a gift to hand over to the youngest among us. The joy of all of us going to church on Sunday morning with Kay to show her church family how much her family adores and loves her. There in her church was another scene in the movie. We all shared our believe in Jesus Christ together.

Is This the Time

I want my readers to look at a passage I was reading today. It is from 2Timothy. These few verses started me thinking about life today as it was in the past.

The Dangers of the Last Days
1You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. 2For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. 3They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 4They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 5They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!
I have had many conversations about so many things happening around us each day that lead a believer into the path of thinking is this the end time? I know every generation since Jesus ascended into Heaven felt that their generation was the one. We go to signs around us and biblically know we have been told to watch what is happening around us.
We know in Paul’s day there was not twenty-four hour news available showing all the strife around the world. Paul didn’t have cell phone to communicate with those he found among his fellow Christians. Paul didn’t have a fax machine or email to send out the latest happening and the latest revelation he received from the Holy Spirit. Can you imagine social media at the time of Paul? There is one thing very evident to me, the Holy Spirit has always  been more powerful than all these media methods. How is God talking to us today?
I look at the warnings in the 2 Timothy about how mankind will be self-absorbed with money, prestige, place attained in life, lust for more power. The eyes of those who rather do harm than good would be all around us. The idea of serving others would not be the priority of mankind.
We only look to our current election to see how two men slug it out in the mud as to who will be the next President of the United States of America. Both men want to be in the job of the most powerful leader in the world. Both men are weighing what will happen to their lives once the decision is made by voters. We hear how money is such a driver of laws to be made. We hear how our own greed and selfishness has taken over reason. Where are those who only want to serve the poor from the heart not the government coffers? Where is the mind of individuals who only worry about the amount of money they can gather to live the lives they think is absolutely necessary? We have been told in the end times this will be the mindset of souls around the world.
This past week we had a 7.7 earthquake in western Canada. A few days before we heard of one in Central America. There are fights among people in the Middle East that has its roots from Abraham. Now we have a super storm that is approaching the East coast. I wonder if anyone scurrying around looking for supplies is thinking; what could God be saying to us? Could the ugliness of the elections be receiving the judgement of God? Why can we not say, “Lord show me your way and give me your instructions so I may live a life that pleases you.”
To sum up my thoughts on this subject; I would say prepare your hearts for what God has requested of His people. Praise God for the blessings and see through the evil that has invaded so much of civilization.